Insert trash related pun here.

I tell you.  Can't even take a midday stroll without trouble rolling around.

There I was two days ago, on my way to a train, when I notice the street's empty.  And guess who's on the opposite side?  I cut and run into the only open place...The junkyard.

We're talking major duty junkyard here.  Scraps of steel, mounds of broken electronics, the whole nine yards.  It was practically from out of a movie.  I start making my way through, when I run into a clearing and Obstruction slides off a pile in front of me.  To the left, Shift phases through.  And behind me, Jade comes out from hiding.

They all charge me at once.  I ducked around Shift's knife and punched him in the stomach, winding him.  I kicked him towards Obstruction, who...just swatted him aside.  Projectiles that aren't sharp or bullets don't really do much against him.

I jumped away from Jade's cleaver and ran up a pile of junk. Grabbing a piece of metal, I threw it down at Jade.  Didn't do too much, she just ducked.  I kept pelting her with shit from the pile as I ran up it but she's quick, like her boss- dodged it all.

I reached the top and starting sliding down the other side.  Suddenly, Shift phased through the pile and tackled me, sending us both tumbling down to the ground.  I gave him an elbow to the face and a shove, but Jade was on me before I could get up and held me to the ground, grinning like a maniac.

I growled and tried to kick her, but she just forced my leg down with hers.  "Sweet Knight, that won't do you aaany good at all.."

I blinked.  "...okay, WHAT did you just call me?"

"You're the savior to the damsels in need, of course.  The Princess, the Lily, the Seer..." I looked into her eyes...And the look she was giving me made me feel chilled to the bone.  It was pure insanity, nothing else to call it.

"Oh, but the Lily doesn't need your help...the Princess has accepted the dragon, and the Seer has died at the evil knight's hands...But it's okay, sir Knight...I can be your damsel."

And then she leaned down and kissed me.  Leveled the cleaver with my wrist, too.  This girl...she's fucked up.  Majorly.

I cast my eyes around.  Obstruction was as emotionless as ever, Shift was looking way, noticeably disgusted.  More importantly their eyes weren't on us.  Thankfully so, considering that I'd rather as few people witnessed that as possible.  And I noticed she'd stopped pinning one of my arms.  I pretended to relax into the kiss, and she pressed forward, weapon arm slackening.

I grabbed the cleaver's blunt side and yanked it out of her hand, driving my fingers into her side at the same time.  While she was still off her guard I headbutted her and rolled her off me.  Scrambling to my feet, I dropped the cleaver and drew the sword.

"That's the most forward I've ever seen anyone be, and I've seen Elaine flirt."

She chuckled weakly.  "You still fight it, sirrah.  But you'll come around to the idea.  To me."  Jade got to her feet and pulled out a couple knives.  Her teammates came up  and together they charged at me.  I was able to fend them off and back away by waving the sword at them.

A piece of junk falling from the pile behind us was the only hint I got of the fourth person.  Looking behind me, I saw a tall woman in a black hood armed with a long knife.  She leaped forward and cut my arm- I just barely deflected the blade with my own away from my heart.  Then she pressed forward and attacked, keeping me on the defensive despite my larger weapon.

Now, four on one just isn't my style.  And I saw my chance to get away from it.  Noticing the pile looking somewhat unsturdy, I dodged one of the new girl's strikes and put myself in the path of Obstruction.  Being a predictable fellow, he rushed at me, and I rolled aside.  He slammed right through the bottom of the pile, and down came the rain of junk.  I didn't stop to look at the results, but bolted.  It slowed them down enough that I made it out with no further incident.

So yeah.  I'm in a safe place now.  I've made a few trips back to the junkyard and there's some amazing stuff there.  Tools, intact metal...makes me wish I'd taken more than amateur engineering classes.  I've got an idea for a gadget of sorts...kind of crazy, but it might just work.  the Killdozer did, right?

Still sort of shaken up from the fight...mostly from Jade.  Goddamn it, why is it getting kissed by a girl disturbs me more than friggin' knife wounds?  I have a serious problem.

You know, besides the being stalked by a gang of idiots who would be too lame for minions in the DC Animated Universe.