CSI: Wherever the fuck I am

Okay, alright, well.  Take a deep breath, chillax...

I'm in a safe place, with soda.  Lots and lots of soda.  I have a drinking problem when it comes to Mountain Dew.  Elaine, TMV, take notes on how to be cool.

Simple matter is, soda usually calms my nerves.  And my nerves are currently doing the reverse double tripe backwards polo jump.     ...as the existence of that sentence proves.  Alright, let me try to explain what happened.  not just to you guys, but to myself.

I was in...well, I guess I can tell you.  Lowell, MA.  It's a pretty neat city.  Lotsa bricks, factories, stuff from the Industrial Revolution.  It has some damn old buildings, and some somewhat old ones.  The old Wang R&D building, which is now Middlesex Community College's Lowell Campus.  Place is pretty massive, and there're almost no windows- mainly cause they didn't want their researchers to ever see the light of day.

Why is this important?  I went there from age 16 to 18.  It was pretty much highschool for me.  Lot of memories there.  I was back there to look for Rise, in short.  I remember way back when she first started making herself known to me, she kept searching through places that I'd spent a lot of time in, looking for me.  I figured...it might be a good place to check, at the very least.

I didn't really want anyone to recognize me, so I wore a hoodie and didn't make eye contact.  And I checked the whole building.  Nothing.  Wasted afternoon.  nothing but a bunch of memories that aren't even relevant any more.  What did any of that matter if I was just going to lose everything?  School didn't help me survive this long, the only things that did that were luck.

But I'm getting away from the point.  I went outside, crossed a bridge, started walking through the residential area on the way back to my bike.

It got dark fast.  Really fast.  That was the first warning sign.  Nobody was around- warning sign number 2.  I drew a knife.

Then I heard...someone singing.

Just a light, pleasant tune that floated on the wind.  I couldn't even make out the lyrics, or where it was coming from, but it was a man's voice.  It was...enjoyable to listen to.  I almost relaxed for a moment, before I remembered what the hell was going on.  Then I smelled something burning.

The singing stopped.  The silence, by comparison, was cold and unnerving.  And it was silent.  Dead silent.  I took a step, heard it echo.  Trying to make as little noise as possible, I kept going, determined to ditch as soon as possible.  The smell got stronger.

I saw it by the light of a street lamp.  A lump in an alleyway.  The smell was coming from it.  I'm not sure why, but...I went towards it.  It was a body.  A man, pretty normal looking from the way he was dressed.  I turned him over.

His face was gone.  Burned clean off.

I almost yelled out in shock.  What did come out was a sort of strangled gasp.  I stepped back, but...I couldn't look away from it, no matter how horrible it was.  I felt sick.  no, sick isn't strong enough.  I felt like I was gonna collapse and vomit right there on the spot.

Just then it started raining.  The cold water snapped me out of it.  I took a few more steps back.

And the singing started again.  Closer this time.  It wasn't in English.  I could hear the man's tone...it was friendly enough, but now there was...something else to it.  Something...eager.  I was suddenly wishing for the silence again.  Then there were footsteps.  Softly ringing footsteps.  I couldn't tell where they were coming from either.  Just that they were getting louder.

Can I just say, fuck that shit.  I ran.  I didn't stop running until I got to my bike and started the engine.  I looked back.

Someone was there.  Someone wearing a heavy coat.  Not too tall, not too short.  He was walking in a circle, not even looking at me.  Singing.

I clamped the rev so hard I hurt my hand.  I was on the road and out of there.  The singing followed me for about a block, then I couldn't hear it through the rain.

Fuck, hands are shaking.  too much dew, I hope.  need to lie down.

jesus fucking christ who the fuck would do something like this.

Uhm.  I found a body.  It's this dude...fuck, no, I'm getting out of here.

if whoever's ripping off Hush is still around I'd rather not stop to chat

No sign of her so far...

I tried following a proxy, but he was one of those braindead types.  Didn't really get anything out of him (although it was nice to meet a proxy that didn't ham it up like drunk Christian Bale).

I might have a source of information, but it'll take time to pay off, and I really can't say who.

One of the first places I checked was what I think was the last place she'd held up, but it was trashed and abandoned.  No clues, either.  Which...is odd.  I was expecting some sort of mocking tirade from Rhodes in paper form, but the entire room was picked clean.  It was like an actual kidnapper had been in there, not a suited, narcissistic monkey.

Not so much as a peep out of Team Rhodes, either.  Jade keeps sending me creepy emails and that's about it.  (long since marked her address as spam)

And...I haven't seen the Big Man around in forever.  Got this weird feeling, though..I've been uneasy for a few weeks now.  Sort of like a less intense version of the sickness I get when he's right there in front of me.  The silence is sort of starting to get to me...is this his new strategy?  Passive-aggressively ignoring me?  Dear god, he IS like a clingy ex.

If anything changes, you guys'll be the first to know.  Well.  After me.  And whoever tried to kill me this time.  Or...yeah you should just go.

I want fire to appear whenever I get passionate.

If only any of us had half the stones this guy does, this would be over a lot faster.

I just need to learn how to make kanji appear in the sky whenever I yell.  how hard can it be?

Just goes to show how little other stuff matters now.

It only just occurred to me that I turned 19 four days ago.

The one year anniversary of being stalked.  I remember pretty clearly, I saw him for the first time ever February 10th, 2011.  At the time, he just appeared and was gone when I blinked.  I didn't think much of it, just thought I was being paranoid as usual.  He'd prove me wrong over the course of the next couple of months, which would ultimately lead into this blog, and...well, no shortage of trouble.

I made it a year.  Hell, I'll take whatever victory I can get.  I can confidently say that if he'd had his way I wouldn't be here right now.  So...drink that down with a tall glass of SUCK IT, you faceless fuck.

Taking a step back, looking at where I've gone, who I've become...This is who I am now.  This is my life.  I have no doubts about that anymore, believe me.

I won't stop until I've removed him from this world, until he's left every last human he's connected to alone.

So, here's my ultimatum to you, "Slenderman", if that IS your real name, which it isn't, but...shut up.  Leave.  Go back home to your cave or your forest or your weird psycho dimension or your home planet or whatever the fuck you came from.  I'll forgive all you've done if you just pack up and never bother humankind again.

You probably don't give a shit about that, even if you can understand me.  But just remember that I gave you a way out.  And if you don't take it, I won't stop until one of us is dead.


Count on it.

So you're a Fighter. So what?

We do a fair amount of both fleeing and fighting in this business. (though nobody's ever given ME a card, business my ass)  There are people who just try to outrun this nightmare, and there are the people like me, stupid enough to draw a line in the sand and dare them to cross it.  But even us Fighters have to know when to retreat.  It's all about the long game for me, the big goal.

I guess what I'm trying to get to here is some advice for people who might be a little lost.  cause I mean, we're all lost, to an extent.  The fact is, though, at this point I've survived a lot of stuff.  Part of that was due to luck, sure, but I'd like to think that I have at least a bit of insight into how to survive by now.

So...Let's assume you're like me and you don't want to just leave all this behind, cut some sort of deal that gets you off, Run and never look back.  You want to KNOW that you'll be free.  Maybe you don't want to ditch other people who are in the same bind.  I guess it doesn't really matter for now.  Whether it's cause of revenge, or some sense of justice, or just to be absolutely certain, you want to bring the Slender Man down.

First off, let me just say that the goal of being free may very well differ from killing Slender.  Yeah, I know, crazy talk, right?  Especially from a guy who lost his parents to the faceless freak.  But I'm not doing this cause of revenge.  That's pointless.  Meaningless.  They aren't gonna spring back to life in a snappy song and dance routine just cause I kill Slenderman. (maybe I should be happy about that one)  But in the end, what I want is for Slender Man to leave humanity be.  Maybe this will mean destroying him, maybe not.  Just remember that violence is never optimal.  On that topic..

Proxies.  Good god, what a can of worms.  Either our former fellows who've completely lost it or psychopaths sucking up to a monster cause they couldn't take it in the real world.  What do you do with these jerks?  They run around and kill people, and often they're just douches for the sake of it.

What I want you to do is consider this.  How different are you from them?  You're both being haunted by the same enemy.  They just couldn't take it.  You shouldn't hate the proxies, you should pity them.  And you should show mercy.  Don't retaliate with more violence, don't fight force with force.  If you show them mercy, you're reminding them that humanity is still a possibility for them.  Every proxy has the potential to break free.  Hell, I think at least half of them still have their minds but don't have a choice but to serve Slender!

All I'm saying is, we're in the same boat.  True, we've got Rhodes and Writer and the like for the REAL sick fucks, but who knows why they are the way they are?  You certainly don't.  If we're to be better than them, we can't lower ourselves to their level.  We have to show them that we're human, and that makes us stronger.

Also, do I really need to say this?  MURDER IS BAD.  And it's AGAINST THE LAW.  Like, being chased by Slenderman does not give you diplomatic immunity!  Think like a rational person and don't go around knifing fools just because they wear khakis and a mask.